The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan (audiobook)

genre: young adult magical realism

Leigh’s grief over her mother’s suicide becomes complicated when she realizes her mother has become a bird. Not just any bird, but a giant red bird whose visits confirm to Leigh that despite her death, her mother has something to tell her.

With an American father and a Taiwanese mother, Leigh’s life has less been less culturally blended than you’d expect - mostly because both of her parents have always had a deep unwillingness to discuss her mothers family and early life in Taiwan. This gaping hole on her Taiwanese side has impacted Leigh even more than she herself has known and when the chance comes to go to Taiwan, Leigh is determined to find her mother, the bird.

While the constant discussion of colors throughout the book might drive some readers crazy, I liked how my brain would make sense of the colors used to describe feelings.  There is a sweet love story thread, so perfectly shaded by authentic teenage love.  I enjoyed the way that art plays such a huge role in Leigh’s life and the way that she can use it to express herself and connect with the people she loves. Once I let myself settle into it, I even loved the magical realism of this story, with a giant bird just showing up and memories one can step into that show you the past. There is so much here about grief and family and memory and life. It really touched a deep part of me and for those who love people with depression who struggle with suicidality, this story could be a powerful and empathetic read or it may be too triggering. I myself, who have loved people who no longer wanted to be alive, felt a real and familiar sense of what it is to be caught up in loving someone who is in deep deep pain. Combining all of this with Taiwanese folklore, finding lost family and an armchair trip to Taiwan, The Astonishing Color of After is an interesting and heartfelt read.  

I do recommend the audio for correct pronunciation and being able to hear the grandparents speak their native language. Narrator was great.