Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself by David Archuleta (audiobook)

 genre: memoir

I was never obsessed with David Archuleta.  I obviously knew of him and, as an active Mormon at the time, felt excited about a fellow church member being so much in the public eye.  His music was great but I didn't think about him much until he came out.  I remember THIS being shocking, especially because of how close I knew he was to those in the leadership of the Church.  I wondered how it would work out for him.

And now I know.  And it is a hard story to read.   I enjoyed learning about his start in performing and his professional journey was such an interesting one.  What most sticks out to me, though, is how David's relationships with his family were so traumatic and complicated.  I had no idea.  But even more than that is his suppression of his homosexuality to appease his family, yes, but even more, to appease a God that he believed could absolutely never love or accept him as a gay man. 

It is heartbreaking to experience his struggle with him.  My heart ached for his view of the world - one that I shared myself for more than forty years - a view that said that there is only one kind of way to be a person that could ever be with God again.  His faith deconstruction brought up a lot of my own painful feelings from this same process and he articulate so well how truly agonizing it is.

My only compliant about this book is that the writing is sometimes rather juvenile.  No shade on David - this is a super important book - but sometimes it feels like a truly complex memoir and other times he goes into a kind of colloquial mode full of swears and sexual language that feels like it was thrown in there to show that he's a tough guy now.  I think it was the flip flop between the two that just felt performative.   

That being said though, HIS STORY IS IMPORTANT.  The leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints could genuinely benefit from listening to former members like David whose heartbreaking experiences need to change the way that lgbtq+ folks are treated across the church.

Also, the song at the end of the audiobook is touched a really raw place for me.  Absolutely beautiful.