A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings (audiobook)

genre: memoir

I found Tia on Tik Tok right around when the Shiny Happy People documentary on Netflix came out.  Her own personal experience from within the fundamentalist Christian movement made for some very interesting and heartbreaking content.  A Well-Trained Wife is the story of her early life and how that primed (groomed?) her for being the wife of a man who truly believed that women are designed by God to be inferior to men.   Her husband's language and way of holding Tia down was so discomfiting and hard to listen to.  His violence, both physically and emotionally, really makes you think about what can go on behind the closed doors of families who seem to have everything together.  But the more Tia tries to be the BEST wife so she can make her husband happy, the more that whole concept breaks down.  Being perfect, doing everything PERFECT, still isn't enough to keep her safe.

The last portion of this book, about her healing, is powerful. SO powerful.  It is such a testament to the capability of therapy modalities and, even more so, human resilience.  Her internal journey is as important as the momentous choices she makes to find safety with her kids and I honor it.  Listening to the way that the Patriarchy and Christianity are used to put women in a box is INFURIATING.  Like, makes me want to light something on fire with my rage.  And the fact that women can literally be complicit in this abusive system is so hard to wrap your brain around.  But Tia helps us understand how it can happen.  Her writing is sometimes a bit flowery but I usually liked it.  I think it could've been edited a tiny bit more to tighten it up but otherwise, this was a captivating listen.

The River's Daughter by Bridget Crocker (audiobook)

genre: memoir

Bridget Crocker grew up along the Snake River in a trailer that was small but at least felt like home.  The river and the woods nearby were her world but when her mom decides that she's finished with Bridget's step-father, life takes a pivot that will lead to both abuse and an inner strength to get herself where she knows she can feel stable: out on the river.

This memoir is both about Bridget's traumatic upbringing as well as her journey to becoming a river rafting guide and outdoors-lover.  Her story covers continents and cultures and the kind of white water that requires a skill set that Bridget starts to acquire.  It is hard to read about how many of her relationships are toxic and even her own decisions sometimes were super painful, but her stories are interesting and unique.  I never knew how much there was to know about being a river rafting guide, but having myself run the Snake River on the same stretch that she guided, I liked what I learned.  The ending is SUPER rushed, almost startling, but it didn't ruin the story.  

Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell

 genre: historical fiction

Hamnet is the young child of William Shakespeare, we know that from the start.  He lives in Stradford-upon-Avon with his mother and sisters while his father is in London or abroad.  Inquisitive and bright, Hamnet's light is snuffed too early and this book is a rendering of the kind of grief that can take a heart and completely rearrange it.  Because you never get over the loss of a child, Hamnet is a look at how love can rearrange you - how both romantic and parental love will take our story and change in ways we can't even imagine.  

Yes, William Shakespeare is a part of this imagining of his own past.  But William is not our main character - that would be Agnes, his wife.  Agnes who knows where her peace is, Agnes whose knowledge of plants and the woods has made her a healer and whose love for William is both a blessing and a curse.  It is Agnes who rips my heart out in this beautiful book of how sorrow can sometimes lead to something that stands the test of time.  The last chapter is one of the most tender scenes I have read in a long time.  Poignant in the best of ways.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

genre: graphic memoir 

In this graphic memoir, Alison tells the story of both her childhood in rural Pennsylvania and also her coming of age as a gay woman during a time when being gay was both subversive and slowly becoming a thing one could talk about.  Soon after her father passes away, she finds out that he was also gay and this bombshell makes Alison revisit her whole past, looking for clues to help her understand the man who so confused her growing up.

I picked this up from my neighborhood's Free Little Library and I had no idea what it was about when I started it.  I was taken in from the beginning with Alison's observations and stark illustrations that grounded me in her experience.  It is a very literary book, in the sense that Alison assumes we understand the general plot of several books that she uses to compare her own life to that of other complicated stories. I like this devise but also it sometimes pulled me out of the story, to have so much text from other books I'm unfamiliar with thrown in.  By the end, though, I appreciated Alison's journey while also feeling so much compassion for her and even a little bit for her Dad.  Reading about Gay history and Gay rights in this country is like a punch in the gut, it's so upsetting, so I feel like it is important for these stories to be on our shelves and in our minds.

content warning: open door sex/nudity, adult themes

The Backyard Bird Chronicles by Amy Tan

genre: nature non-fiction

I don't really know what made me fall into a mild bird obsession.  I honestly believe it was a song by the Be Good Tanyas called "The Littlest Birds Sing the Prettiest Songs."  I ended up calling my blog (yes, remember those?) The Littlest Bird.  And over the years it has morphed into wall art and earrings and two tattoos and a Life List of birds that is now 101 birds.  

So, this is a book that is literally FOR people like me.

It is daily bird musings and the drama of the birdfeeder.  It is Tan's insanely intricate and beautiful art work.  It astonished me, over and over, how she captured the vitality and personality of these amazing creatures in her drawings.  It is both intimate (her actual yard) and wildly expansive as she teaches us about migrating patterns and how wildfires impact birds and the circle of life itself.  The book is compiled into tiny sections, one page of which is a nature journal page with drawings and written text accompanied by Tan's context and further meditations.  

It was the coziest bedtime reading I've enjoyed in ages.  Even the tactile nature of the book itself, a mix of hardcover and paperback, was so super satisfying.  The colors are so vibrant and Tan's personality shines through in such an enjoyable way.  I just loved it.  I read it until I fell asleep each night for many days and I was happy every time.  

Five stars from an amateur birder and whimsical bird loving enthusiast. 

Finding Grace by Loretta Rothschild (audiobook)

 genre: contemporary fiction

When I first saw this on a book list somewhere, the reviewer said "it's better to go in blind" so that's what I did.  I didn't know ONE THING about it and within the first two chapters I was hooked by the narrative device.

I am going to give a few very basic clues so you can know if it's for you or not:  

1. It is a contemporary story with trauma and grief at it's heart.  If you are a parent, be aware of your own triggers and if you are in a good place to read a book about grief relating to a child.  The prose is so careful and compassionate with the ways grief can impact us, but parts of this story are heavy.

2. It's also a second-chance love story that is so complex and complicated and full  of unfortunate decisions that it is sometimes actually uncomfortable - like, we as a reader know too much and even when we want it to stop, for poeple to make a different choices, people are too complex, especially when they have been broken.  So while I would in my mind be saying "no no no!" I just never wanted to give up.  I liked it that much.

3. It' s a chosen family story, about how even when the worst happens to us, there can still be good.  There are people and things worth living for.  I loved that it reminds me that no love is perfect, even if it looks like it is from the inside - but that doesn't mean that it's not worth trying to find and to keep.  

BIG SPOILER HERE.  PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU DO NOT WANT THE STORY TO BE GENIUNLY SPOILED.

I HAVE WARNED YOU.

What made this story such a interesting one for me was that it was told by an omniscient narrator who is actually a character who has passed on.  So we learn about her own history and her insider information and her take on the action that is happening.  I just REALLY liked this.   I liked her perspective.  And the ending, well, even though I had guessed a tiny part of it, the last ten minutes were so perfect and lovingly  tied things up in a way that felt SO good.  I can see that other people hated this book - and maybe I would if I was in a different headspace. But I always wanted to listen.  Five stars.

Content: some open doorish scenes - there are adults doing adult things and we hear about it in real time but this is not a steamy book.  Swears.

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, illustrated by Jemima Catlin

 genre: fantasy

Bilbo Baggins. Happy in his Hobbit Hole.  Torn from his comfortable chair by Gandalf the Wizard, who has convinced a group of dwarves that Bilbo is an impressive burglar and that Bilbo is the PERFECT thief to have on their quest to get back the gold that was stolen from them.

And Bilbo DOES go, though he's not happy about it, and his adventures with the dwarves, the friends and enemies they make, the scrapes he gets into and back out of, THAT is the story of "there and back again" that started it all.  Yes, there are battles big and small and there is a ferocious dragon and many songs sung by the campfire.  And Bilbo is there for it all, unassuming and mildly cowardly and surprisingly clever Hobbit that he is.

Okay.  My twelve year old son wanted me to read this out loud to him.  I wasn't as daunted as I should have been.  I remembered reading it long ago (I just looked it up, it was in 2001) but I didn't remember how slow it was.  It was SLOW going.  Even with this illustrated version and even as interested as my son was, it was a bit of a slog.  One twin gave up halfway through but the other one and I snuggled through many an hour with Bilbo and his companions.  I get why it has stuck around, I can imagine why it absolutely enthralled everyone.  It just took us like eight months to power through.  NOT sorry I did this with my boy because HE enjoyed it and by the end, he was actually really tender about it.  And that means it's still three stars for me.

Leaving the Witness: Exiting a Religion and Finding a Life by Amber Scorah (audiobook)

 genre: nonfiction, religious deconstruction

I know I am reading a lot about religious deconstruction lately and it's super helpful for me to hear the stories of women from other religions who begin to examine their own beliefs in a more rigorous way.  This was different because the author was actually living a life as a secret missionary in China when her questioning started.  MUCH of this book is about the author speaking Chinese, about her life in China as well as memories from her past.  Her actual deconstruction is a small part of the book and for me, it wasn't quite enough.  The choice to sort of fire bomb her life wasn't easy, obviously, but I felt like she was telling me the story from far away.  It was strangely impersonal and the narrative felt rambling and almost random on more than one occasion.  I appreciate that I have learned more about the Jehovah's Witness experience but this wasn't a huge standout read for me.

The Villa by Rachel Hawkins (audiobook)

genre: historical/contemporary fiction

The Villa is told in two timelines: modern and in the 1970s.  This book has a bit of the vibe of Daisy Jones and the Six, where we hear podcast episode and articles, talking about the famous and artistic young adults whose trip to an Italian villa was cut short by tragedy.  When Emily and her childhood bestie Chess end up staying at the same Italian villa, the whole murder mystery of it all is like a blanket covering the place.  There is a ton of foreshadowing here, more than is necessary, in my opinion.  The relationships always felt uncomfortable - between characters in all storylines, there is no real trust.  The narrators don't feel completely reliable either and when you occasionally throw into the plot some pages of a gothic horror novel as well, it's just a LOT.  I had my footing by the time I was 25% in.  I did want to listen and I finished it quickly.  But the ending didn't make me love it more, unfortunately.  It definitely deserves 3 stars but I don't think I can give it more.

The Change by Kirsten Miller.

 genre: contemporary mystery

In the sleepy seaside village of Mattauk, something strange is happening.  Harriett, the woman who was a director at an advertising firm?  She's apparently either missing or has lost her mind because her once perfectly manicured yard is looking more like a jungle.  Jo, former hotel executive?  The way her body has been changing makes her feel a kind of rage that needs a focus.  And Nessa?  Well, Nessa's special.  Because she's got a gift that is only now coming into fruition - and it's the kind of gift that reminds Nessa of how dangerous it is to be a young woman.

Okay, I had NO idea where this book was going to go.  I can't even remember what list I found it on that made me want to try it.  But from the beginning, I was intrigued.  There is evidence of a murder.  But then you find out about more murders.  And in this world of crazy wealth and old boy's clubs, these three women are about to tap into the kind of power they can't even imagine to stop it. As a perimenopausal woman myself, I loved these ladies.  The friendship they create and the way their different strengths played out struck me in a believable way.  There is a lot going on here between the three main characters's own stories plus the story they are in together, but it worked for me.  It's violent sometimes in a startling way - and also startling is that in this story of women-taking-back-their-power, we as readers are just supposed to roll with it, which I mostly did.  I liked the witchy vibe. I liked the female strength vibe.  I definitely liked it.